The Troubles Of Dating a Tenipuri Boy
by SugarTensai
Summary: They are not the dreamy boys you imagine them to be. Dating them will not be a breeze. Today, we have girls joining us to share their stories of dating the tenipuri boys, and the horror they could not unsee, such as Atobe's purple silk shirts.
1. The Troubles of Dating Atobe Keigo

**A/N:** *-* gehehe~

Story idea proposed by gentletopainfulgaze, who I am amazed at and is SUPER creative for coming up with something like this XD. Hahaha, you have too much trust in me...! I was supposed to post this two weeks ago -_-ll)

Note: Do NOT take anything seriously. :p

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*These recordings are from the account of the ex girlfriends of the tenipuri boys. These girls have been scarred for life through their experience of dating them, but would like to share their stories anonymously.*

 **Miss "Y"-Ex girlfriend of Atobe Keigo: Her story:**

 **Reason 10: His hair**

Now, some people might consider me lucky to have dated the majestic' king Atobe. You are WRONG. And it is not just me being selfish or having impossibly high standards. It is having a boyfriend with impossibly bouncy, volumized hair that is scented like rose petals. Let me tell you a story: One day Atobe washed his hair. The next day, all I could smell was some sugary scent that clung permanently to my clothes and turned my whole wardrobe into Atobe-scented hair. And then the _worst_ possible happened. I became allergic to the natural scent of Atobe. He didn't really care, actually.

 **Reason 9: I literally cannot touch his nails**

"They'll get scratched and Ore-sama shall die slowly...painfully...a piteous, hideous death! So don't touch my nails." Yes, he has actually said that.

 **Reason 8: His Friend-child-thing people**

Atobe has a posse. A clique, a cult of tennis players. They're very... interesting people. They also creep me out A LOT. I used to enjoy my dates with Atobe, until they started to tag along or appear in random places, such as the time Gakuto popped out of a chimney holding a spatula. Things soon escalated to the point they would stalk-er...I mean, ACCOMPANY me on my way home. It was a terrible time of my life where I am pretty sure Hiyoshi was attempting to hypnotize me through Gekokujou.

 **Reason 7: That one time where he put a sculpture in my room**

Atobe is full of himself. Which is why he decided to store one of his many sculptures of himself in my room. So there it stood, eight feet tall and three feet across of Atobe's ego. I have no idea how it happened, but one day I had just come home from school, and realized the statue was not supposed to be head less and stuck through the now-broken window of my bedroom. I still have nightmares about it.

 **Reason 6: He kind of scares me**

Have you ever seen Atobe play tennis? Well, let me give you a description: He accelerates to impossible speeds as he runs up and down the tennis court, leaving light beams and streak marks in his wake. A malevolent presence surrounds him and smashes the tennis ball while smirking like he's killing a small animal. I am glad that I had survived the few weeks with him, now that I reflect on the horror of the situation...

 **Reason 5: He waves his hands, like, a lot.**

Atobe loved to flourish his hands. They twirl this way and that and wave the air energetically. It gave me motion sickness. Also, the scent of manly rose petals that seems to trail after him makes it extra distracting whenever I am near him.

 **Reason 4: ...purple.**

Purple, half buttoned silk dress shirts seemed to be the motif of Atobe's entire existence. The sleek fashion statements of atrocities plagued my dreams every night, and led me to fear the very color of violet. I...I was brain scarred for life after the constant exposure to Atobe's chest surround by those terrible purple shirts. Th-this is just so traumatizing for me...I can't...

 **Reason 3: He lowers my self esteem in general**

It was hard dating one of humankind's most flawless specimens. It was _very_ hard not to feel bad about yourself as you stared into his clear, cerulean eyes set with features of perfection. And _all_ upon his smooth skin which was accented by a single beauty mark. Meanwhile, as Atobe looked positively gorgeous in every single picture taken, I'm at his side, unnoticed. Also, he _never_ sweats like a normal person. He manages to create liquid drops of perfection instead, which glisten upon him like pure water.

...darn it. I feel more depressed than ever.

 **Reason 2: I once got smushed in a crowd of fangirls**

Oh boy. I cannot even begin to describe this. Atobe has a freakishly loyal fan base whose only goal in life seemed to be screaming in high pitches within Atobe-seeing range. They also tend to barrel at high speeds toward the general direction of Atobe like they intend to run him over. The first time he walked me home, _I_ was caught in the middle of one of these rampages. The next ninety seven times in that three week period, I learned to dodge, run, and do a flip off a tree.

 **Reason 1: ...You just can't** _ **unsee**_ **some things**

...Such as what I saw through the window of his mansion. I cannot believe he put the milk in before the cereal.

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 **A/N:** I actually put milk before cereal so...

 **Who should be the next girlfriend?**


	2. The Troubles of Dating Fuji Shusuke

**A/N:** Hi. Is...is this considered late as an update? :/

IM SORRY I KNOW IT'S LATE

 **Good news:** It's summer = free time =I'll be writing XD

 **From last chapter:** Wow, I asked for suggestions and I actually got a good crop of'em XD

(counting Mehlikey's review that mentioned a bunch of them which I counted as votes)

This chapter is about Fuji-4 votes

Tezuka/Ryoma/Yukimura-2 votes

Sanada/Marui/Kaidou-1 vote

Strangely they're all either from Seigaku or Rikkai...

 ******* We all love the sadists, Fuji and Yukimura (you know you do). But: Fuji got double the votes, so he comes first. Yukimura is really similar to him, so I predict him racking up the votes soon enough. And I kind of want to...hold off writing Yukimura (bear with me) because after I'm done him, it's like, there's not a lot to look forward to . These are only my budding thoughts though, so if there's this huge popularity spike with Yukimura...well, it's a democracy after all XD *******

 **Note:** creds to Mehlikey for giving the tenth idea, thank youuuu ^3^

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*These recordings are from the account of the ex girlfriends of the tenipuri boys. These girls have been scarred for life through their experience of dating them, but would like to share their stories anonymously.*

 **Miss "A"-Ex girlfriend of Fuji Shusuke: Her story:**

 **Reason 10: Yuuta is bae?**

Our dates would have been normal and romantic and sweet if not for Fuji's obsession with Yuuta. Instead our dates were dangerous and creepy and weird. A typical scenario:

*We walk along a bridge*

*the sun is setting and the wind is blowing softly*

*Fuji smiles and takes my hand*

* drags me into the water because he has spotted Yuuta across the bridge and plans to stalk him from underneath*

And it's never a coincidence. I swear, he has Yuuta bugged for his location or something-!

 **Reason 9: Daunted by a cactus**

Fuji calls his cactus Benny-san. He waters Benny-san, talks to Benny-san, sings to Benny-san, swears his honor and pride on Benny-san. He buys damn expensive porcelain pots for Benny-san, and has built a four foot tall shrine for Benny-san.

Then he smiles and me and says, "Don't you dare touch Benny-san."

While sharpening his pocketknife.

I was also expected to compliment Benny-san every day.

Now I'm terrified of cacti.

 **Reason 8: Knives and teddy bears**

Fuji is obsessed with a lot of things, namely knives. Or anything that is remotely sharp and pokey and scalpel-y looking. I once spotted him cackling under his breath as he murmured a series of incantations while doing some kind of ritual around his knives.

There was also a torn open teddy bear in the middle of his chalk circle, the first sign that something wasn't right, because who does that to a teddy bear?!

 **Reason 7: Femininity**

 _My brain_ couldn't keep up with the fact that the guy I was dating sometimes looked like a girl or a guy or an angel and sometimes all three.

 _I_ couldn't accept the fact that dresses totally suited him.

 **Reason 6: unexplained red stains**

He tells me they're Kool aid stains, but that would mean he doused his knives in Kool aid every day.

My smart, logical brain told me it was not Kool aid.

 **Reason 5: Weapons of destruction**

Also known as: His Lethal Beautiful Clear Hypnotizing Cerulean Blue Eyes

One look is enough to knock twenty sumo wrestlers out cold.

I know this because I've seen him do it and it scarred me for life.

 **Reason 4: I indirectly broke the fingers of forty three guys**

Fuji was in fact, a very sweet and loving boyfriend. Although, one of his flaws was his... protectiveness. Now you all must be thinking, " _What are you saying, I want to be protected and loved by Fuji-sama-!"_

No.

You don't.

Fuji made sure that no guys would ever lay a finger on me, and those who have tried had their fingers broken, the poor bastards.

After a while the guilt of being the indirect cause of their broken fingers piled up so much, inevitably...We had to break up.

Best decision I've ever made.

 **Reason 3: Is he..human?**

I know he breathes and walks and talks normally (most of the time), but I've never seen him burp or fart or snore or have any physical flaws (not to mention he is _immune_ to wasabi and hot peppers, like that's not normal). I thought I was being paranoid about this until he invited me to his tennis match and I saw him float and fly and strike various attractive poses while managing to return the tennis ball and I was convinced he was an alien.

 **Reason 2: My first view of death**

It was April fools that day, I remember it _ever so clearly._ Fuji came over, we went on a Yuta stalking date again, but this time, at the end of the day, he did something sweet.

It was that slow romantic scene from the movies when the guy pulled the girl close and they kissed. That's what we did, and my heart was fluttering so fast-

He had drank aozu juice.

MY MOUTH BURNED. I remember screaming and some hallucination of a giant fish and then I fainted. Or so I was told by Fuji when I woke up, where he also told me it was a prank.

NOT FUNNY.

 **Reason 1: Cats**

He. Prefers. Cats. Over. Dogs.

Honestly, what did I find attractive in him again?

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 **A/N:** To avoid any confusion/ or if anyone has not noticed: The reason's are listed from 10 to 1, reason 1 being the most important reason, and will usually be a shallow, completely unrelated reason, for humor's sake (tell me if it's a pathetic attempt guys) ^3^


	3. The Troubles of Dating Echizen Ryoma

**A/N:** Basically I wrote everything then I forgot to post it. :/ I was wondering why when I checked my account today...

Ryoma is basically unattainable, and his personality sort of sucks. But he's bearable, and everything here is just an exaggeration. ;) *is not taking anything seriously* X)

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*These recordings are from the account of the ex girlfriends of the tenipuri boys. These girls have been scarred for life through their experience of dating them, but would like to share their stories anonymously.*

 **Miss "H" -Mutual friend of Echizen Ryoma : Her story:**

 **A brief note from the anonymous source** : I have never dated him, but apparently I am the closest person they could find to being his girlfriend.

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 **Reason 10: Unreasonable body expectations**

It doesn't matter if you have an hourglass shaped figure or you're slender, or you possess a beautiful smile. You must throw those shallow attributes out and instead undergo extensive surgery and remove all your organs and become an inanimate object.

The very key to capturing Echizen's heart (which is not that big of a prize) is to become a tennis racket.

 **Reason 9: Karupin**

Also known as the only living, breathing thing on the face of this earth that is not related by blood to him, to have been held and loved by Echizen.

Out of his own will.

That said, if you don't want to go extensive surgery to become a tennis racket you could always pray to the gods to wake up in Karupin's body one day.

 **Reason 8: He's...a kid.**

Echizen is short and childish. He still thinks girls are icky. Don't forget about pedophilia.

You're better off dating his brother.

 **Reason 7: His bodyguards.**

If you date him, you will also have Fuji and Tezuka on your back the whole time. Not to mention Inui who will be sure to find out your darkest secrets, such as the name of your childhood teddy bear and hold it over you (Speaking from experience).

 **Reason 6: Ponta love**

I genuinely worry for this child when I see him either beating highschoolers in tennis, playing with Karupin, or chugging Ponta in the corner of a room.

 **Reason 5: He seems to hold grudges against everyone for no reason**

A typical conversation:

Me: Hey

Ryoma: *ignores*

Me: Nice match, you won again!

Ryoma: Obviously

Me: ...

Ryoma: You have terrible stance go away.

 **Reason 4: Hygiene problems**

His hat permanently smells of sweat, from him constantly wearing it to every match, and his hat soaking up all his scalp fluids.

The thing that bothers me is that he never washes it.

 **Reason 3: I'm not taking chances with his fanbase.**

When his fans began to suspect me of dating him, they became vicious. Especially his male fans, the freshman trio.

Horio, would scream 'I HAVE TWO YEARS TENNIS EXPERIENCE' at my face for no reason and send me notes that I guess were supposed to be romantic but were really just illegible writing.

 **Reason 2: The ship must sail**

I mean...Sakuno likes him. And Ryoma sort of tolerates her more than any other girl. And don't forget they look so unbearably adorable together.

...Sorry, I just got a nosebleed.

 **Reason 1: He insulted my dog**

MY POOR LITTLE DOG.

We just can't coexist, you see?

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 **A/N:** Who should be next? Much bashing will happen. :))


End file.
